Welcome to the greatest show unearthed!

This is going to be one of the finest shit-shows you’ve ever feasted your eyes on.

You will read of my journey from start to finish of getting bariatric surgery. Literally everything. I’m not going to lie to you because I want this to help you; whoever you are.

This is me.

When A Witch Falls off her Broom….and a bitch breaks her horn.


Hello, my pretties!  I know it’s been awhile since I’ve written…a long long while.  Well, I fell off my broomstick…hard.  I allowed the excuses and the stress get the best of me.  I became depressed.  Very depressed, actually.  I began to worry about how I was going to pay for certain things because as we know, clinics like to make you feel all or nothing.  Luckily, a member of a group I was in encouraged me to reach out to the manager and talk payment options.  She was a doll and I’m back on track.  I have my appointment scheduled for December.

I’ve had to reschedule the damn thing a few times now, unfortunately.  This last time was due to one wicked case of bronchitis.

Back to food

So, like I said I fell off the wagon.  The good news is I wasn’t eating like complete shit.  I’ve done worse, but I’ve also done way better.  I need to get my ass back on high fat, low carb.  I also need to get back to drinking more water.  I was up to drinking 70+ oz a day.  Now, I’m back to my Pepsi devil.  I’ll be okay.  I know what I need to do.  Thankfully, I’m almost over my cold and will be able to go out.  I want some got-damn beef stew so bad I could cut someone for it.  I’ll make it tomorrow.  Lots and lots of beef stew….

The only thing I can do from here on out is do better.


333.  One. More. Pound.

Baby, bye bye bye….


10 mutha fukkin pounds are gone!!!!  Yeeaaahhh!!!  It’s been hard, but I’ve been working at it and it’s finally paying off!  I’m almost to my 15 lb weight loss that I need to schedule my surgery.  I am just so thrilled…and nervous!

There are still some struggles that I have to work through.  One I’m noticing is if I do not make grocery shopping a priority, it doesn’t get done and before I know it I’m too broke to make all of the necessary purchases I need.  Looks like I’ll be drinking lots of protein shakes this week….  I was able to get some meat, eggs, and milk.  There should be enough to last until Friday.  Hopefully this week goes as fast as last week.

I’m still struggling to figure out the whole veggie thing.  I know what I like, but it can definitely get boring after awhile.  I’m sure it’ll come with time.  I need to start experimenting with spices.  That might help…spice…things up.

AM Weight


Take out on the run, baby…

So, I’m still having troubles mastering how to eat right while on the go. That is a bitch to get down, especially when you are on the big b: budget.

Today I had my psych evaluation for bariatric surgery, which was at noon. Attempting to balance finding a healthy breakfast that falls within my realm was nothing less than difficult. Then, of course, I missed lunch because this eval was 4-mother-fucking-hours long. By the time I was done, I was in such a rush to get home so my boyfriend could then leave for work I threw up my white flag and screamed fuck it, Checker’s it is. My water intake was not high, but I still made sure to drink some. I need to get to that grocery store right. Now.

Today I also talked to my brother for the first time in months. It went pleasantly well! He helped me get approved for a new car (I’m excited and I have buyer’s remorse at the same time). I also broke the news to him that I’m going to be getting bariatric surgery. The questions began. Why are you getting it when you don’t have health problems. You’re fine. Where are you going? How many of these has your surgeon done? I don’t want you going to some garage butcher. What does RNY mean? What do they do during the surgery exactly? Bless him — as if I wasn’t exhausted from the 4 hour psych eval already. I answered all of his questions, plus some. I think he’s still concerned, however.

I have my follow up with my surgeon on Tuesday and the appointment with the Weight Loss Clinic on Wednesday. I think that is all for the major appointments. I haven’t reached 15 lbs yet, but I haven’t given up hope. The lowest I’ve gotten to is 9 lbs. I can win this battle.

AM Weigh In


My neck, my back, I bent over and nearly collapsed….

Monday….it was not very good to me today. I got up this morning to get ready for work, bent over just right and there went my lower back. I couldn’t breathe, speak, or even move for fear that I would collapse right there. I was stuck. Thank god I live with my boyfriend and he was awake with me or I would have been SOL. We were able to finally get me to sit down and I was hysterical with tears. The pain was (and still is) so intense. He had to help me in the shower, yes this even included washing below my waist, get out of the shower, get dressed…that man deserves a metal for today. I somehow made it through work with my make-shift ice pack and now that I’m home with my heating pad I just wish someone would euthanize me. I’m a lame cow that needs to be taken to pasture.

Although I know some of this is due to my awesome genetics, I’m sure a lot of it has to do with the added weight I have on my body. Forgive my poor grammar, but this shit needs to get gone now. I’m tired of hurting all of the time. Especially my back. It’s debilitating. I can’t focus on writing anymore. The pain is searing through my back and hips.

I’m going to attempt to document only my AM Weigh ins.

AM Weigh In



When you’re a dirty filthy cheater….

And boy was I! I had myself an Italian cheese bread from Little Caesars on Saturday night and it was pretty much an instant regret. I’ve spent all day on the couch hating life. I’ve had an upset stomach, my body hurts EVERYWHERE and I’ve been fighting a migraine. Ugh, processed carb hangovers are no bueno.

I wanted to address fat shaming and how it’s never okay. In one of the support groups I’m in on Facebook someone had posted a video of a woman who wanted to have the largest hips in the world. She was measuring at 99 inches (the largest was 100). People were commenting about how it was disgusting and “how does she wipe herself?!” Even to the point of saying that it wasn’t sexy. I was completely taken aback by this. I am very aware of the health risks that carrying that much weight can cause (obviously, I’m on my journey toward bariatric surgery); however, I’m a firm believer that no one deserves to be talked about like that. At all. Ever.

But, Witchin’, why not? Being honest should help the person see the truth! Nope. That’s a hard nope. One of the major changes and struggles that comes with this journey is body image; how one perceives oneself. How would you feel if you joined a support group looking for…I don’t know…support for your lack of positive body image and see this. I know that I would be turned off and would not trust that group of people. I wouldn’t feel safe.

Please, think before you post. If it’s going to hurtful rather than helpful, just move along. No one likes that guy.

AM Weigh In


PM Weigh In

343.2 <– this fucking number can leave ANY TIME NOW.


The cake is a lie….

e11e1583813d40ed39b02cc8ccbc262c--unicorn-birthday-party-decorations-cakes-unicorn-cakes-ideasEach day that passes eating better seems to get easier, which is obviously good.  I’m starting to set goals for myself that aren’t food related (I’ll list those at the end of this post).  I’m also drinking at least 40 oz of water daily, so that’s pretty amazing considering I went from drinking all Pepsi/no water, to all water/no Pepsi.

Today at work, we celebrated one of my team member’s anniversary.  She’s been with the company for many moons.  I did have a sliver, literally a sliver, of cake.  It wasn’t even worth it.  I could barely taste the damn thing it was so small.  So, so disappointing.  Was not worth the break in the diet.  Ugh.  I’m legit stewing over this right now.  The damn cake is a LIE!!  I did stick to my protein shake for lunch at least.  Bonus points for me.  Achievement unlocked.

I was able to finally cook myself a couple of bun-less cheeseburgers for dinner when I got home tonight.  Another achievement unlocked for me.  They were also peerrrfffeecctt.

AM Weigh In:

PM Weigh In:

After surgery, once I reach 250 or less, I’ll start riding lessons at a local ranch in Sterling Heights.  Once I’m able to stay smoke free for one year I’ll purchase my own horse.  I’m thinking a Tennessee Walker or Quarter Horse.  These are two goals I am looking forward to completing!


Not sure if I’m always moody or if it’s from the food….


So, my friend and I were talking today and she brought up a great point to me: she mentioned that when she eats like garbage, she feels like garbage.  I must say that I have noticed the difference.  Especially since I have been bouncing back and forth between eating healthy and not.  The days that I eat zero carbs, drink tons of water, have zero-to-low sodium intake I feel great!  On the days that I eat Checkers insert Homer drool I feel gross.  I also feel…greasy.  My tongue also feels raw and super dry.  But I still love that damn taste.

Let me describe it to you.  Now, I’ve never actually done the drug, but I’m pretty confident that I can describe it to an addicts first hit of heroine.  There’s nothing like it.  The way the flavors just dance across my taste buds.  The crunch of the crisp fried food.  There’s nothing like that very first one.  And then you get it again and it’s just not the same.  It’s still good, but something’s just not right…so, you think, “maybe I’ll try it again.” And that’s when the addiction cycle happens.  And man is it a bitch to break.

I’m sure you’re thinking to yourself, “it can’t be that hard to break, witchin’, it’s just food.”  That’s exactly it.  Think of other addictions like smoking, drinking, or other drugs.  A person can take themselves to rehabilitation, remove themselves from what they’re addicted.  But, food…we all need food to survive.  Those of us who are addicted to food simply cannot walk away from food or remove ourselves from food when it’s around.  We would literally die!

At this point…it’s easier to quit smoking and I haven’t even successfully stayed quit at that.  The helpless and depressed feelings are so difficult to fight off.  I know I’m not alone, but I definitely feel it.

Oh, what to do.

AM Weigh In:

PM Weight In:
340.8!!  Half of the weight lost!